#3: Why do we want what we want?
Plus, a new Adele album just for me, meeting Mr. Britney Spears, and the age-old question: nail polish or butt plug?
When I was a teenager, I wanted to be a marine biologist.
Earlier, it was an actor (specifically, on Home & Away, like any self-respecting Australian teenager) and since then, a writer — that’s if we don’t count the foray into healthcare, which I do, but also wouldn’t mind forgetting.
Before I changed careers and elbowed my way into the media industry, my trajectory had always been linear; following the bouncy ball to the next gig that earned me a bit more money and smidge more seniority.
The media has been another story.
In my first gig, I worked my way up in a start-up before moving to London, where I had to explain in job interviews not only what my experience was, but also where it was from, and precisely why they should care about a company they’d never even heard of (news flash, they didn't care about any of it).
A couple of jobs later, I found myself back in Australia and, yet again, trying to force my way back into media. The goal (or north star, as the careers brochure would say) was always to be great at what I do, be respected, and if I’m being honest, reach the top. But, why?
As I said, I’ve thought about it a lot this past year.
Moving overseas is hard, and moving overseas during a pandemimoore is harder. After all of that, finding a new job you actually like in a notoriously tricky (and tiny) industry is even har—you get it. It’s enough to make anyone (or, at least, me) question why they even want what they want, and whether the slog is even worth it in the first place.
This leads me to a big-long feature I read in GQ this week. In it, Tom Holland admits that as he gets older (he’s 25, so take from that what you will) he finds himself questioning what he actually wants to do with his life. He even admits that while playing Peter Parker is an important part of his life, “If I’m playing Spider-Man after I’m 30, I’ve done something wrong.” And if that doesn’t speak to our society’s warped mentality of always striving for the next good thing, even we’re at the top of our industry, I’m not sure what does.
You’re welcome.
In the story, Holland speaks about making himself physically sick for his job; with crash diets and working out in a literal garbage bag to sweat his way to a goal weight for a role, and working so hard on a press tour that his body physically gave out on him. Let’s put the tiny violin away for a moment and forget about the fact that this (by all accounts, lovely) man has been earning Disney money since he was 19 years old and, therefore, has *options*.
Holland’s admissions honestly sound like hell to me and, as Carrie Bradshaw would say, it got me thinking, why do we really want what we want in the first place?
I went hunting for the answer (read: did a half-arsed Google search) and could only find one that I liked in a podcast called The Art of Manliness. For obvious reasons, I did not listen to a single second of it, but in the synopsis of episode #714 (wowza), aptly called “Why Do We Want What We Want?”, the expert explains that we want what we want because of the influences from people around us — both near (friends, family etc) and far (celebrities, social media personalities, the people we stalk on LinkedIn, and so forth).
And, I mean, that tracks.
When I was living in London, after I finally landed a job I enjoyed and felt validated in, I was pretty content. Some may say it was one of the least ambitious times in my life, or at least, a time where I wasn’t always looking to the next thing as aggressively as before or since. It helped that in a pre-pandemic world, I felt like I could do whatever I wanted, but I also felt like 90% of the people living in the city didn’t have their shit all the way together — and by that, I mean most of my friends didn’t own property, weren’t in high-flying jobs, and the culture of London, in general, was that living in your overdraft was not uncommon (though I personally never did).
Carefree, cute coat, drinking beer on the Hogwarts Express.
Fast forward to moving back to Australia and every Sydney-based woman on Instagram appears to own an apartment, have a killer job, the perfect monochrome wardrobe, and a banging social life. Meanwhile, every person I saw who had moved home from overseas around the time I had, thanks to the pandemonium, also appeared to land a great job immediately. It felt like Sydney had the magical sauce — I just could not find any for myself.
There were times that I questioned whether there was a place for me in Sydney, let alone in media, and that was honestly super shitty. There were so many things I wanted but felt like they were out of reach, and if I wasn’t as stubborn and competitive, and yes, ambitious as I am, I may have needed to think about what the third act in my career looked like.
Obviously, Tom Holland is far from the first person to consider a career change. I’ve had conversations with four separate friends in the past few weeks alone who are in the process of shaking up their careers. Evidence that sometimes what we want changes! I think it’s really brave to step off the track you’ve been on and head in a different direction, and it’s equally brave to double down on your goals, even when they start to feel more and more impossible. It’s hard to start all over again (and again, and again).
The bottom line is that I still do want the things I want (success, respect, to *cringe* climb the ladder), but I also think it’s really okay to change your mind, feel like you’re failing, and have times in your life where you’re not being ambitious but feel content instead. That’s the goal, anyway, right? I guess I’ll let you know when I figure it out.
Now, onto the lighter stuff.
Adele Released an Album Just For Me
Why else would my Lord and saviour, Adele, release an album called 30 within months of me turning 30? I *love* this album so much. “I Drink Wine” is my favourite song, so far (not only because it’s accurate), “Easy on Me” is a banger, and “To Be Loved” is just 6:43 of pure full-body chills.
To soothe the pain of Adele playing Hyde Park on the very same day I leave London next summer (I’m not ready to talk about this yet), I bought the album on vinyl (I don’t own a record player) and will be aggressively refreshing her site until she announces a Sydney show, probably in 2025.
It’s hard to see other people living your dreams.
Meet Mr. Britney Spears
If you’re a fan of truly unhinged profiles, you’ll lap up the New York Times’ feature about Sam Asghari. Titled “Who Is Sam Asghari, Britney Spears’s Fiancé?”, this feature is, in my opinion, the perfect celebrity profile. To start, the main condition of his participation in the interview is that the topic of Britney was completely off the table and could not be mentioned in any capacity.
Some may say that’s fair or cute (“he’s protecting her”) but you’ll probably just think it’s fucking weird once you’ve read it. The journalist, Caity Weaver, calls out the absurdities from the interview, of which there are many. From his really odd publicist and creative director, changing interview times, a last minute wardrobe change, and my favourite line from the story:
For his own entertainment, Mr. Asghari said he watches “performances, not shows.” Asked to name a performance he’d watched recently, Mr. Asghari said, “Hugh Jackman. I watch clips of him acting. Jason Statham, I watch clips of him acting.”
Once you get past the first line (“Sam Asghari is a nascent actor and erstwhile personal trainer.”), it’s a really easy and, as I said, unhinged read. I’m also very glad that Brit will be getting a prenup, though, for legal reasons, I’ll say I’m sure Sam is lovely enough.
The Age-Old Question: Nail Polish or Butt Plug
This week, Harry Styles released a beauty collection called Pleasing, and it includes a range of nail polishes. Does Harry Styles really have any business releasing a beauty line? Honestly, probably not. Are they any good? Wouldn’t have a clue. Would I consider buying them? No (aside from maybe the jumper that was sent out to media).
But I would watch this man do even the most mundane of chores so, of course, I was interested. That said, my favourite thing to come out of the viral Pleasing launch isn’t the products themselves, but the commentary surrounding the questionable shape of the nail polish bottles.
As soon as the products were released, chatter started on social media about Styles releasing butt plugs and, honestly, him sliding into that particular conversation makes sense for him. But this?
You named this Pleasing? Sir, you know exactly what you are doing.
Other Honourable Mentions
Continuing the Tom Holland theme, the new Spider-Man: No Way Home trailer came out this week and whew, it looks good.
A few weeks ago, I watched the HBO documentary, Four Hours at the Capitol, and it’s one of the best documentaries I’ve ever watched. The one-off special shows exactly what happened during the insurrection at the U.S. Capitol on January 6, 2021. It’s not an easy watch, but if you can stomach it, I highly recommend that you do. I almost burned my dinner because I could not look away. It’s available to stream on Paramount+ in Australia.
Love you, bye!